23 Oct The Wild Edge of Sorrow
As we grieve the loss of Benjamin Sheldon Ellis, our hearts tremble under the weight of sorrow that feels both raw and unending.
It’s as though we stand at a fragile edge, where grief stretches out before us like a chasm, and each step forward feels unsteady.
In this tender place, we search for something to hold onto, some way to stay connected to the love that remains, even as we feel ourselves losing balance and falling into the depths of mourning and asking for the meaning of all of it.
Tara Brach, my mindfulness teacher at the Mindfulness Meditation Teacher Certification Program, shares this story about this search for meaning.
The Wise Woman Beside the Stream
She tells of a grieving widower who seeks solace from a wise woman beside a stream.
Seeing the pain in his eyes, she invites him to sit on a large stone, picks up a long branch, and swirls it gently in the water.
He asks,
So, what’s the point?
She looks at him softly and replies,
That all depends on what it means to you to be alive.”
As her words sink in, his shoulders slump under the weight of his sorrow.
She hands him the branch, urging him,
Go on, touch the water.
The widower dips the branch into the stream, feeling the current moving through the wood.
There is a quiet comfort in that moment, a reminder of something just beyond his reach.
The woman touches his hand and says,
You see, you can feel the water without putting your hand in it. This is what meaning feels like.
She asks him to close his eyes and feel his wife in his heart, though she is no longer there to hold.
This is how meaning saves us,” she whispers. “You can feel her in your heart, even if you can’t touch her.
He begins to cry, and as he does, she wraps her arms around him and says,
We don’t know how to live or how to die.
We only know how to love, how to lose, and how to carry the branches of meaning we find along the way.
This story speaks to the delicate balance we face as we grieve Benjamin’s passing.
We are learning how to hold on, not just to the memories, but to the love that continues to ripple through our lives like the water in the stream.
An Apprentice to Sorrow
Francis Weller, in The Wild Edge of Sorrow, speaks to this journey, describing grief as a place where love and loss meet, where we are invited to become “apprentices to sorrow.”
He encourages us to find those moments that allow us to touch something larger and whole.
He reminds us that grief is not something to overcome, but something we hold tenderly, finding moments where loss and love touch, where we can reach out and feel the presence of what was.
It is not about finding our way past the pain, but about finding the courage to let it shape the life we live now, even when the ground beneath us feels like it’s giving way.
Meeting the Edge
Tara Brach advises us to meet this edge with softness.
When we touch the raw places in our hearts, we can choose to soften around the pain, letting our tears fall freely, and allowing ourselves to be carried when we are too tired to stand.
This softening doesn’t take the sorrow away, but it offers a way to hold it gently, like a fragile branch that carries its own quiet strength.
Grieving together may look different for each of us. It may mean lighting a candle, sharing stories of Benjamin, or sitting in quiet contemplation.
For some, it may also mean gathering for Shiva, sitting in solidarity as a community, offering presence without the need for words.
In these moments, we share the weight of loss, allowing the silence to speak for itself, and letting our love fill the spaces that words cannot reach.
Within Us
Zen Master Thich Nhat Hanh once spoke of grief as a place where our loved ones live on within us.
He felt his mother’s presence long after she was gone, realizing she remained a part of him.
All I had to do was look at the palm of my hand, feel the breeze on my face, or the earth under my feet to remember that my loved one is always with me.
In the same way, we find Benjamin in the laughter that echoes in the halls, in the quiet moments of reflection, and in the small acts of kindness that remind us of the light he brought to our lives.
Each branch of meaning we carry forward becomes a way to honor him, keeping his memory alive in the most loving of ways.
We offer our deepest compassion to Benjamin’s family and friends.
Together, we will find the strength to pick up these branches of meaning, trusting that even at the untamed precipice of sorrow, when we lose our balance, an unbounded love will be there to catch us all
With warmth and care,
