by Kalika Yap

At this year’s Fireside Chat, Laura Ross, Head of School, posed a question to the panel that framed the entire evening:

“How do we make sure that every student is known, challenged, supported, and held to high standards as both a learner and a person?”

It’s a question every parent should ask too.

Not just the school. All of us.

And one moment at the Fireside Chat brought that question to life for me.

Head of Upper School Beth Slattery was talking about academic integrity.

About the reality that kids sometimes make choices that fall short. She talked about why it happens.

Not because our kids are bad. Because they feel pressure. Because they want to succeed. Because their brains are still developing.

And then she looked at us and said:

“I encourage you to go home and actually say out loud to your child: I care more about your integrity than I do about your grade on a test.”

The whole room clapped.

Because what she was really asking us to do is to respond from our values instead of reacting from our fear.

And what I pondered was:

Do mistakes have to define us forever?

Or are we all here to learn?

Beth was clear that no mistake is tragic. Every kid is redeemable.

The school wouldn’t be in this work if they didn’t believe that.

When the school addresses a misstep, the goal isn’t punishment.

It’s helping a student realign with their own values and make a different choice next time.

She also shared something about the joy of her work:

“It really is the joy that comes from experiencing new things, doing things that you love, succeeding at something you didn’t think that you could do. And that’s my everyday experience.”

She also asked for something specific from us as parents.

When the school calls about an honor code concern, she asked us to resist the instinct to push back with,

“Are you sure my kid did that?”

Because when we do that, even with love, our kids hear something we don’t intend:

My parent is more invested in me not being guilty than in me telling the truth.

That’s a reframe that takes courage on both sides.

And it only works inside a community where there’s trust.

The kind you build through showing up, year after year, and staying engaged even when the conversations are uncomfortable.

What struck me about the evening is that this wasn’t a school trying to project perfection.

It was the opposite.

President Rick Commons walked us through the accreditation process, the strategic priorities, and the visiting team’s recommendations.

But the moment that stopped me was quieter.

He shared that when the school asks prospective students to pick their favorite word in the mission statement and write about it, he often thinks about his own answer.

His word? Strives.

Here’s the full mission statement, in case you haven’t read it in a while:

Harvard-Westlake strives to be a diverse and inclusive community united by the joyful pursuit of educational excellence, living and learning with integrity, and purpose beyond ourselves.

Not excellence. Not integrity. Not community.

Strives.

Because it holds all the humility of knowing we haven’t arrived. We’re reaching.

Every day, this school and everyone in it is reaching for something better than where we are right now.

That kind of candor from the top of an institution is an invitation.

Janine Hancock Jones, Assistant Head of School for Community and Belonging, showed us what that striving looks like in practice.

She shared how every community time session at the upper school is grounded in one of the four pillars of the mission, using the acronym EPIC:

Excellence.

Purpose.

Integrity.

Community.

The school isn’t waiting for something to go wrong and then scrambling.

We’re building a culture where these values are part of the rhythm of every week.

And she said something about belonging that I think every parent needs to hear:

“Belonging doesn’t matter most when it’s declared. It matters most when it’s felt. Are your children feeling like they belong here? Do you feel like you belong here?”

Sound baths where kids fall quickly asleep. Wellness days with therapy animals. Reflection on Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.’s life and legacy. A fall festival with pumpkin throwing.

And the most popular post in the history of the Harvard-Westlake School Instagram? A drone photo of 800 upper school students forming a peace sign after reflecting on Dr. King.

That tells you something about what our kids are hungry for when they’re given the space to be part of something bigger.

And then there was joy.

In the same evening where we talked about falling short, we also heard about what it looks like when kids are at their very best.

Head of Middle School Jon Wimbish described what’s been happening during the 75-minute lunch period this year, what the school calls WIN Time: Whatever I Need.

Without their phones, students are out on the field playing spikeball, organizing kickball games, inventing impromptu water bottle softball.

Just being together and making their own fun.

And then he shared a story I love.

He was hiking in Catalina with a group of eighth graders when the rain set in, hard. They were a mile and a half from camp. Every reason to complain, to shut down, to ask why they were even there.

Instead, the kids shielded each other from the rain. They encouraged each other. They slopped through the mud and made joy out of it.

No one told them to do that. It just came from who they are.

Jon said something about what it’s like to be around that energy every day:

“When I’m having a rough day, when I get out of bed and I’m still tired in the morning, I just kind of let the community envelop me and you just can’t help but have it uplift my spirits.”

That’s the other side of this conversation about mistakes.

Yes, our kids will fall short.

They’ll make choices they regret.

But they are also deeply good.

They are capable of tremendous kindness and selflessness, often in the moments no one is watching.

Here’s what I learned.

Everything we heard at the Fireside Chat rallies around the same thing: being present with what’s hard and choosing how we respond.

Remembering your values before reacting to your child’s mistake.

Choosing your words instead of defaulting to protection mode.

Holding space for someone you love and sitting with discomfort and growing from it.

Watching eighth graders take care of each other in the rain without being asked.

Head of Athletics Terry Barnum shared that when student athletes are surveyed about their favorite part of the season, the answer is always the same:

“My team.”

Being part of something bigger than yourself. Thinking about others before you think about yourself.

That’s a lesson athletics teaches, and it’s the same principle at the heart of this community.

Grace is not looking the other way.

Grace is not lowering the bar.

Grace is the ability to hold someone to high standards and hold them with compassion at the same time.

Our kids will make mistakes. 

They already have. 

They will again.

So will we.

The question isn’t whether we fall short.

It’s what happens next.

Do we become defined by the worst choice we’ve ever made?

Or do we get the chance to learn, to reflect, and to show up differently tomorrow?

I believe we are all here to learn.

That’s what strives means. It means we haven’t arrived. It means we’re still in the journey.

And there’s something beautiful about a community that says that out loud.

HWP President Paulette DePaulo opened the evening with a line I love:

“Connections and human relationships are the foundation of happiness.”

She’s right!

And the engagement this community has shown this year, the willingness to keep showing up, to keep asking the hard questions, and to keep growing together.

Thank you to the school leadership team for an evening of real conversation.

Thank you to Paulette DePaulo for a year of bringing us closer together.

And thank you to every parent in our community who is doing the same thing we ask of our kids: showing up, staying present, and trying again tomorrow.

One More Thing

I’d love to see you at our final Mindfulness Club event of the year:

Mindfulness Potluck Brunch with Brian Shiers

Saturday, May 9, 2026 at 10:30 AM

My home in Studio City

This is our last event under my founding leadership, and I’d love to close this chapter with you!

For all the details and to RSVP, visit

Harvard-Westlake Mindfulness Club Brunch with Brian Shiers