Thank you to everyone who joined our recent session with mindfulness teacher and psychotherapist Brian Shiers, LMFT. We’re so grateful you took the time to pause, reflect, and connect as a community—especially during such a demanding time of year.

As many of you know, regular college admission decisions are being released this week. Whether the news brings relief, excitement, disappointment, or uncertainty, this season can stir up a wide range of emotions—for both teens and parents. It’s a good time to remind ourselves: a college decision doesn’t define our teen’s worth or future. What matters most is their ability to reflect, reset, and move forward with a sense of steadiness and self-awareness.

Brian’s session offered practical ways to stay grounded through it all. He reminded us that while we can’t eliminate the pressure, we can create more calm within ourselves and our homes. We can respond instead of react. We can stay steady when things feel unpredictable. And we can hold space for our teens to do the same.

Here are a few highlights and helpful reminders from the session:

Stress is Not the Enemy – Avoidance Is

Many teens aren’t resisting the work itself—they’re resisting the overwhelming feelings about it. When we approach them with curiosity instead of control, we help them develop reflection instead of shame.

Brian encouraged parents to think less like “directors” and more like “consultants.” Instead of telling them what to do, ask thoughtful, open-ended questions:

• “What’s your plan for the evening?”
• “Do you think that plan gives you enough time for the harder subject?”
• “What will you do if it doesn’t go as expected?”

This small shift invites self-awareness and builds trust.

The STOP Practice

Brian offered a simple but powerful practice for moments of reactivity:

S – Stop: Pause before reacting
T – Take a breath: Three slow, deep breaths
O – Observe: What’s happening in your body? What emotions or assumptions are coming up?
P – Proceed: Respond with intention and compassion

This practice helps us regulate ourselves, so we can better support our teens in regulating themselves.

Compassion as a Daily Practice

We were invited into a mindfulness practice where we brought our teens to mind, acknowledged their stress, and connected to our care for them. We silently repeated these phrases:

• May you be free from suffering, anxiety, and worry.
• May you remember your innate goodness.
• May you rest in confidence and courage.

Then we turned those phrases toward ourselves. Brian reminded us: compassion that doesn’t include the self is incomplete.

Let Them Struggle – Within Reach

There’s no growth without some struggle. The challenge is finding the balance between supporting and over-functioning. Too little support, and things fall through the cracks. Too much, and we risk signaling they can’t do it without us.

Even if you do step in—say, to book a college tour—try to use it as a teaching moment. Ask:

• “What do you think made this task hard to complete?”
• “What could we try differently next time?”

The goal isn’t perfection. It’s engagement and reflection.

Sleep, Schedules & Screens

Lack of sleep and too much screen time are both common and compounding. Brian emphasized the value of sleep regularity and screen-time limits—especially in the evening. These small shifts can support better focus, mood, and well-being.

Helpful screen-time management apps to consider:

• Microsoft Family Safety
• OurPact

Both tools allow you to set screen-time boundaries, schedule downtime, and help create a more calming rhythm for homework, rest, and sleep.

Final Thoughts

College is important. But so is your relationship with your teen.

So is their sense of self.

So is your own peace of mind.

Every breath you take before reacting…
Every moment you pause to observe instead of assume…
Every word of encouragement that replaces judgment…

It all matters.

I hope to see you at an upcoming mindfulness event.

Let’s practice together.

Wishing you love and light always,

Chair, Harvard-Westlake Mindfulness Club

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